We read in St. Alphonsus Liguori’s Praxis Confessarii – his book of advice on “how to hear confessions” (not moral theology, but “pastoral theology”) – a passage that might cause alarm in the section on occasions of sin.

Generally speaking, young men and women who are beginning to “keep company” should not be indiscriminately accused of grave sin. Still I think that it is only with difficulty that they free themselves from a proximate occasion of grave sin. This is quite clear from experience: out of a hundred young people you will scarcely find two or three who have not fallen into mortal sin in this occasion. If it is not so at first, it will soon become so. At first, they see each other because of their mutual attraction, then the attraction becomes passion, and passion then fixes itself in the heart, becomes an obsession in the mind, and leads them into countless sins. For this reason, Pico of Mirandola, bishop of Albano, issued an edict warning confessors in his diocese that such young people were not to be absolved if — after three warnings from others —they did not discontinue their company-keeping, especially if there were dates at night alone (with the clear danger of kissing and petting), or if this was done against the command of their parents, or with a companion whose speech was provocative.

By “keeping company” St. Alphonsus means going out alone with each other – at all.

You might think it’s pretty harsh. You might think it’s downright draconian.

But before the invention of the car, “dating” didn’t really exist, at least not as something socially acceptable. Instead, there was “courtship.” Family visited family, while the couple spoke to each other and interacted under the watchful eye of the parents, and possibly many others. It was unthinkable to let two young people go off alone, especially for a long time in the evening. What will they be getting up to? And how are they to evaluate their love interest properly without the help of their families?

I don’t think it’s plausible to recover courtship in any meaningful sense. It certainly can’t be normative for young people – it is just impossible to expect of anyone.

There’s a middle path, however. As late as 1958, the famous manual by McHugh and Callan is condemning “long and lone conversations in secluded spots” by interested couples as simply “wrong.” I don’t think they are all that incorrect. “Long and lone conversations” are, in my mind, appropriate only around the time of engagement and during engagement, and they should be infrequent, few, serious, and intentional, and only had if they are really necessary. Talk about those few things that are really important to discuss before marriage and don’t easily lend themselves to organic, casual conversation, and which might require some real privacy. Otherwise, go out in public or semi-public. Go to the mall. Go to dinner. Go to a party. Go to a park. Go to the family’s house (courtship!)… Nowadays – because of how our world is built – you’ll have plenty of time to chit chat alone in the car. One should be satisfied pretty much with that, and maybe picking her up and dropping her off… one of the appropriate times for a quick conversation alone. At the door, not inside.

Call me crazy, but I think that would solve a lot of problems. Don’t you?

I may be doing some more serious work on these kinds of topics… Not just here on the blog. As the kids say these days, “I’m cooking.” Stay tuned.