I used to think the greatest lie about same-sex attraction was that it meant that such people cannot marry. (Of course they can marry – someone of the opposite sex, just like anyone.)

I now think the greatest lie is something different… Sure, “it’s not sinful,” or “it’s not that bad,” or “well we can bless ‘the couple’ without blessing ‘what they do as a couple,'” etc. are great lies as well, but they are great in terms of the brazenness of the falsehood.

The greatest lie is that conquering the disordered desire to act in such a way is only good because it leaves one free of sin. While it is good to avoid sin, there is something else here…

When confronted by the Lord’s teaching on divorce, the apostles, you will notice, are shocked and resolve that not marrying is better… Not because of what they gain interiorly, but because of what they do not lose exteriorly… Exterior freedom, the ability to live one’s life as one pleases, untethered to the “ball and chain.” They perceive celibacy as good from selfish motives. They see it as better to be a perpetual bachelor.

The apostles were wrong, both about what makes celibacy better, and which of the two states of life as they saw them in that moment is better. It is better to marry than to “happen not to be married,” especially if one is intentionally unmarried out of selfish motives. I do not think that Trent’s declaration on virginity and celibacy (Session 24, Canon X) is to be read in such a way as to support the perpetual avoidance of responsibility and commitment as being better than the sacramental state of marriage; I think it intends “virginity” and “celibacy” as definite states of life which are conscious choices, and so “remaining” therein is also presumed to include a definite choice which is made for the sake of the Kingdom, not for the sake of “leaving one’s options open,” or else it merely speaks to the objective reality of the state itself regardless of its actual moral relationship to the one living in such a way; that is to say, it is better in itself, even if one’s reasons for pursuing it are selfish and even sinful. Correct me if I’m wrong.

The point is, to be “forced” to remain unmarried is actually a great gift. It opens up the life of celibacy to a person – not simply so they can take nice vacations whenever they want and don’t have to deal with the annoying and inescapable web of interpersonal and other problems that accompany practically every marriage, as nice as that is – but so that they are freer for contemplation and for the apostolate… They are freer to dwell alone with God, and they are freer to serve others for His glory.

Why do we never hear about such things?